Does God See Me?!!!

Does God even care?

Does He even know what I am dealing with right now?

Does God really understand how I FEEL?!!!

Does He see my struggle, my pain, my grief, my doubt, my fear, my worries, my anxiety, my sorrow?

DOES GOD SEE **ME**?!

To be honest, sometimes, it doesn't seem like it.

If I am being real, sometimes I feel overlooked, forgotten.
Or worse, unwanted.
Like the kid who doesn't get picked for the kickball game at recess.

Then more feelings start to pile up.
More lies creep in.
"I must not be good enough."

Not smart enough.
Not pretty enough.
Not popular enough.
Not funny enough.

Not ___________ enough.
Fill in the blank.

And all that translates to I'M NOT ENOUGH.

This has been the battle raging in my brain, and heart, the past week or so.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm walking through a minefield and explosions keep going off all around me.
It's intense, y'all.

But here's the deal though.
While Satan is ATTACKING me, God is fighting FOR me.

Satan spews lies.
God whispers the Truth.

Satan casts shadows of doubt.
God shines His LIGHT and offers a glimmer of HOPE.

Satan throws rocks.
His arsenal is never-ending.
Fear.
Worry.
Jealously.
Anger.
Bitterness.
He wants me to compare myself to others, to make me think it's a competition.

I'm not playing that game.

Because God IS MY ROCK.
My fortress.
My stronghold.
My soul rests in HIM.
And I CANNOT be shaken.

This morning as the war for my soul broke out again, I was reminded of Hagar.

You can read the first part of the story in Genesis 16, but here's the Cliff Notes version:

Sarai has a slave named Hagar.
Sarai was jealous of Hagar.
Because Hagar was pregnant.
Because Sarai had ordered her to sleep with her husband.
Because Sarai was tired of waiting for God to fulfill His promise.
But none of that mattered.
Hagar was pregnant and Sarai was not.
And Sarai's jealously got ugly real quick.

Her bitterness turned to rage.
And in fear for her life, Hagar fled.

Somewhere along the way, Hagar stops by a spring in the wilderness.
An angel of the Lord appears to her and asks where she is going.
Hagar explains she is running away from Sarai.

The angel tells her to GO BACK.

Um, did you hear what I just said?!
Sarai wants to KILL me?
And you want me to go back to her?
Did you fall on your head when you came down from heaven?!

The angel assures Hagar he understands the situation.
He goes on to tell her that her offspring will be too many to count (sounds a lot like the promise God made to Abram).  He explains that she is going to have a SON and his name is to be ISHMAEL.

Ismael means "God will hear."
As the angel told Hagar, "the Lord has heard your cry of affliction."

God heard Hagar in the wilderness.
A slave.
A rejected outcast.
A "nobody" in that day's society.

STIILL, God heard her.

And did you catch it?
When the angel appeared to her, he called Hagar by her name.

God KNEW who she was.
And He loved her.
He had a plan and a purpose for her.
He gave her a PROMISE.

And she BELIEVED him.

In response to what the angel told her, Hagar does something remarkable.
She is the ONLY person in ALL of Scripture to do this.
THE ONLY ONE.

"So she NAMED the Lord who spoke to her."
The God who heard her, who called her by name, Hagar in turn gave HIM a name.

"You are El-roi."
THE GOD WHO SEES.
"In this place, have I actually seen the One who sees me?"

God heard Hagar.
He called her by name.
He SAW her.
And HE WENT TO HER.
He met her, there in the wilderness.

Sarai told her GO AWAY.
God said I WILL COME TO YOU.

Sarai treated her with hatred.
God showered her with love.

Sarai persecuted her and wanted her dead.
God promised her LIFE and gave her a future.

With hope and renewed strength, Hagar returns to Sarai.
She gives birth to Ishmael.
Life goes on.

No details are given, but I am gonna guess it wasn't a walk in the park.

13 years later, God appears again to Abram.
God renames him Abraham and his wife Sarah.
 AND He confirms that SARAH will have a son, and THAT son will be the one who fulfills the promise waaaaaaay back in Genesis 15.  You know, the one He made like 23 years ago.

Sure enough, within the next year, SARAH has a son.
ISAAC.
"Laughter."
Because according to Sarah, "God has made me laugh, and everyone who hears will laugh with me."

Maybe Ishmael's laughter was annoying to Sarah.
Or maybe she felt like Ishmael was MOCKING Isaac instead of celebrating him.
Whatever the case, Sarah was NOT happy.
And once again, her anger esclated quickly.

Once more, Hagar is forced to flee.
At least this time Abraham sends her with some supplies.

Ishmael is a teenage boy by now and bread isn't gonna last long.
And soon after, the water was gone too.

Again, Hagar is alone in the wilderness.
She is prepared to die.
But she can't bear to watch her son die.
She lays him under a bush and then finds a place to sit and mourn.

The vultures begin to circle.

Ishmael's crying.
Hagar's weeping.

And guess who hears?
GOD.
God hears them.

He calls out to Hagar.
BY NAME.

He hasn't forgotten her.
He remembers her.
And the promise He made her.

Once more, El-roi, the GOD WHO SEES, saw Hagar.
She named Him well.

And then, this God Who Sees helped Hagar see.
"He opened her eyes, and she saw a well." 
They drank.
They survived.
They settled in the Wilderness of Paran.
And as God promised, Ishmael's descendants were too many to count.
(In Genesis 25, we learn he had 12 sons, and I'm sure those sons had sons and so on....)

Twice Hagar is sent away.
Twice God goes to her in the wilderness.

Twice Hagar is rejected and despised.
Twice God protects her, provides for her.

Twice Hagar faces death.
Twice God offers her LIFE.

God knew where Hagar was, what she was going through, and exactly what she needed.

He heard her cries.
And answered her.

He SAW His daughter.
He called her by name.

He is indeed the GOD WHO SEES.
Then...and now.

TODAY.
He sees me.
He knows the battle raging inside.

As Satan tries to convince me, "You're not enough," God counters, "You are mine."

I have to choose who to believe.

Sometimes that means readng God's promises over and over.

Sometimes it means listening to Lauren Daigle sing YOU SAY on repeat.

Her lyrics are true for YOU too.
Because they are based on God's Word.

And so, the promises I post on my fridge and mirror and phone are true for YOU too.

God saw Hagar.
He sees me.
And He sees YOU.

Cry out to Him.
He will HEAR you.

Best of all, He will COME to you.
Whatever, wherever your wilderness may be right now, God will meet you there.

Covid-19 can't keep Him away.
God has no stay-at-home order.
He is NOT quaratined.

His power has no limit.
His peace has no restrictions.
His presence has no boundaries.

As God helped Hagar see the well, may He help us see HIM here with us today.
Fighting BESIDE us.
Fighting FOR us.